Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
