By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
