I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
