I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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