in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
