I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
