whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So vagazzling was a success
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
