Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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