he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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