Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
