I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
