Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!