I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''