she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n