I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.