oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
