i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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