ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
