Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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