being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
