If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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