Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
