Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
