I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
