Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
