I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
