dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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