Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
