I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dating After Heartbreak
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?