Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.