dude i'm inner monologue high
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
