Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night

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  (248): God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night http://tfl.nu/0w8x
  Replies (4) Good night (1025) Bad night (505)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked

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  (419): just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked http://tfl.nu/tqdc
  Replies (60) Good night (24906) Bad night (1923)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I

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  (516): Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I<3 NY. http://tfl.nu/f30c
  Replies (54) Good night (5079) Bad night (560)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal

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  (406): i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal http://tfl.nu/k627
  Replies (36) Good night (5656) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

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  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13475) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car

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  (573): This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car http://tfl.nu/p8ht
  Replies (10) Good night (1489) Bad night (2274)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off

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  (360): The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off http://tfl.nu/wmpp
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (1739)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.

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  (503): Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight. http://tfl.nu/viha
  Replies (6) Good night (1176) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I love you more with every blowjob.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  You should write for Hallmark.

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  (202): I love you more with every blowjob. (1-202): You should write for Hallmark. http://tfl.nu/2s1x
  Replies (8) Good night (3188) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  fuck our hall.

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  (517): the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story. (1-517): fuck our hall. http://tfl.nu/9mns
  Replies (7) Good night (642) Bad night (1646)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.

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  (850): He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other. http://tfl.nu/l9kx
  Replies (9) Good night (468) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.

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  (856): After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/n5bk
  Replies (3) Good night (470) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Is it rude if I don't go?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.

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  (224): Is it rude if I don't go? (248): No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party. http://tfl.nu/zhsj
  Replies (5) Good night (1357) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?

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  (423): Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail? http://tfl.nu/94aa
  Replies (6) Good night (748) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.

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  (860): I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were. http://tfl.nu/p58y
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (355)

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