I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
