i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
where does the pee come out of this thing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
