Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
