I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
