So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
