just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
