she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
