So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
