you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
