A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
