If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
