Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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