I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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