Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
