I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
