i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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