After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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