you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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