I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
