Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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