I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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