Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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