So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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