I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
