Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
