just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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