I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
