the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
