Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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