you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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