his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
