did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
