i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
