Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
