You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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