there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
